You remember the Jack Handey quotes from Saturday Night Live? I think Jack would have been an inspiring Twitter friend, with his quirky one-liner jokes. I took some time to adapt a few of his quotes for blogging. If you don’t know Jack, you can read about him on Wikipedia, and review the quotes that inspired this post.

“If you’re asked to guest post on a blog, I think its best to ask if they like nude photos.”

“I can’t stand it when contest winners email me asking for the $50 they won. I mean, come on. Are you really that cheap?”

“If content is King, who would be the King’s subjects? Would a sentence be the subject, or would the subject of a sentence be the subject.”

“Bloggers need to have thick skin, but if its too thick they’d look like a strange elephant blogger. No one subscribes to strange looking elephant bloggers’ feeds.”

“I think the next time someone says to me that I should join this or that social network, I’ll squiggle a little mustache on my avatar, put up a profile filled out entirely in Spanish, then write them back with a link to it anchored by Que Pasa?”

“If you feed an RSS would it eat meat or be a vegetarian? If you thought it would be a meat eater, you are wrong. It’s a vegetarian.”

“Think for a minute about World Peace. While you’re doing that, I’ll be scraping your blog’s content.”

“I hope, when they die, bloggers have to answer for their misspellings.”

“If I really were to stumble upon your site, wouldn’t you be angry that I scrambled the words and cracked the background?”

“I think sometimes you have to comment crazily in another person’s blog, then ban their IPs from coming to your site. When they email asking you why you said what you did, just say it’s not like it was in ‘Nam, then block their email address.”

“The new blogger got offended I called his post stupid. But to me, that’s how it read.”

Have any to add? Leave ‘em in the comments.